For April Fools Day - The Story of "The Nose"

When #2 Son lived in the Rugby House; he became the possessor of a fine adornment.  "THE NOSE"
Let me describe "The Nose" to you.  It was a set of Groucho Marx Glasses only instead of a 'nose' it had a most life-like reproduction of a male appendage -- you get the picture.  A Dick nose.

So just imagine it.  Now the Rugby House college kids had a Fine time with the Nose and were discreet with it Until (oh there's always an until isn't there when it comes to young men and a limitless supply of beer!) one of them in their drunken stupor wore the darn thing over to the Local Gas Mart on a munchies run.

Local Gas Mart Momma had  problem with the Rugby House and was a tad crabby about them.  Seems she thought the Rugby friends (mostly ladies) ought to park their cars somewhere other than her Huge Expansive parking lot when visiting (ie partying) said Rugby House.  She had complained to local Cop Shop on several occasions and required they move their vehicles over to the mini postage stamp parking space available at the Rugby House.  The boys took it in stride as their temperments were blunted at the time usually by the effects of copious amounts of beer.  In other words they laughed if off.  For my part I thought she should have been more forbearing as they were all living off the junk food in her establishment.

Well the NOSE got the best of Local Gas Mart Momma and no sooner had the bearer (or wearer in this case) gotten home with his bag of munchies and The Local Barney Fife  showed up on the doorstep demanding THE NOSE.  The boys professed to not know anything about it but Barney persevered until the boys sadly complied and watched THE NOSE depart.

And Where did #2 Son obtain this wonderful set of glasses to begin with?  FROM HIS FATHER!!!!!

 I bet the Boys at the Cop Shop had a Grand Time with Those Glasses.  In fact I saw one of them yesterday and he looked like the guy above.........with a small difference in the area of the nose.  I'm sorry Mr. Marx, you probably deserved a better legacy than The Nose but sometimes in Life you get what you get.

The Zulu Dance or How to Shock Your Mother Senseless

Well I've mentioned the Rugby House a couple of times and thought I would tell you about the Sport of Rugby.  #2 Son had dreamed of playing Football in College; not something that I really wanted to see happen and it did  not.  Therefore, he was about to embark on a few summers of Rugby for his sport of choice which was a good excuse to drink beer and lead a decadent life-style while in college.

Tips for Mothers:  First of all if you cannot stand to see your #2 Son knocked senseless repeatedly, do not go to the games.  Other than that, and the lifestyle that went with Rugby (which includes copious amounts of beer, lots of women, and more beer), I did enjoy the games.  Frankly it made more sense to me than American Football.  For one thing it was not a mish-mash of physical tackles, first downs, guys with chains, guys with flags, and all that stuff,.  Nope, the moves in every rugby game were pretty much the same and consisted of:

1)Time Out.

 

#2 Son discovers drinking copious amounts of beer does not add up to Good Stamina.

(#2 is on the left clutching his knees and gasping )

2. the PILE- UP.

The Dog Pile--there's ball under there somewhere.And maybe #2 Son......

3.  Discussion with Your Teammates...or AT THEM.

#2 Son doing what he always was good at -- Heated Discussions!

(He's a Lawyer now - go figure, huh?)

4) The Scrum.

A Scrum with the ball in the Center on the ground. Somehow they 

figure out whose team gets the ball from this, but I'll

be jiggered if I can tell you HOW.

5) Pushing The Team - to get the ball moving forward towards a goal.

 

Yoo-Eeee-Ohhhh. PUSH THAT LOAD, PUSH THAT LOAD!

I enjoyed watching the games as the summer went by.  We didn't go to them all but did manage to attend all the Home games at Nowhere.

AND THEN (oh you knew there was going to be an AND THEN didn't you?) someone made their first rugby goal.  They all gathered around at the end of the game, (looked kinda like the Scrum) started chanting and stomping like aborginals on the African plains, AND THEN.....

A totally buck-naked rugby player dashed out from the "Zulu Dance" and ran pell mell around the goal posts which was about the length of a fifty-yard dash and headed back to the circle of the Zulu Dance and it's screening abilities in order to become presentable in polite society again.

My jaw was somewhere around my knees.  After the Team congratulatory line .....

Apparently Modesty and Rugby Player does not go together.

I said to #2 Son, 'WHAT in the Sam-Hill was the deal with the naked guy?'  

'Oh,' he replied. 'When you are a new player and make your first goal, you have to do the Zulu Dance,  which is stripping in the center of the dance circle and making on lap around the goal post.'

"WAIT," I screamed.  "Did you not tell me you made your first goal last week in the South of Somewhere Game?"

"Yeah," he replied with sly grin.

SON, Here's an epistle for you.  Your Mother does NOT EVER want to see the Yoo-Hoo she used to diaper bouncing around a grassy field in front of one hundred people.  NOT EVER.  Got it?